May-October 2020

May-October 2020

Heeeeeeey!

I don’t know if anyone even reads this blog anymore, as I’ve been the worst blogger and not written since April!! Sincerest apologies to anyone still here, and I hope you’ll stick with me!

So, 2020 so far has been one heck of a ride, right?! Lockdown, covid, masks, curfews, job losses, business closures, financial strain…. Its been quite frankly a shit storm of epic proportions. How we’ve made it to October without completely losing the plot, is beyond me! Anyway, a bit of a catch up is in order…. 👍

So, eventually, in June, preschool was allowed to reopen, albeit in a limited capacity, with lots of new rules and regulations. But, J went back for 2 hour sessions a day, and it was good for all of us. Literally a lifeline and sanity saver for me especially! We were so grateful! July came around way too quickly though, and the closer to the end of term we got, the more sad I felt. J had flourished so much by going to preschool. The thought of her not going any more was hard. She turned 4 on the 7th, which felt very surreal! When the end of term came, it was such a weird time, picking her up on her last day felt so cold and foreign. They weren’t able to have any of the normal end of term and end of preschool things, like their end of term show, summer fair, or even goodbye hugs with their teachers. It was clear on the teachers faces that it broke their hearts to only be able to wave goodbye as they left for the last time. They are all such a wonderful, caring staff, and we miss them still, even now. I keep in touch with a few of them, as they loved our J and the time they had her in their setting.

Fast forward to September, and my baby started the next chapter in her life: starting in reception class at primary school! I was super anxious about it, as over the summer holidays, I just kept looking at her and thinking that she wasn’t ready for the change. She’d missed so much of her preschool journey, that I began to be torn about my decision to let her go on to primary school this year. There was many times I felt like trying to reverse the process and send her back to preschool. Being a summer born child, going to primary school at 4 years old felt like such a massive step, one that I just didn’t know if J or even us, would cope with. I needn’t have worried though. We’re 3 weeks in to the term and she’s taken to it like a duck to water!! She settled in very quickly, making us super proud. They had 2 afternoon sessions to get them acclimatised to the setting, familiar with teachers etc, then the week following that, they started full time, 8.50am to 2.40pm. That first day I was so nervous for her, I’m not sure why, taking her in at the beginning of the day, knowing I wouldn’t see her until 2.40pm, felt very strange. Not like when we dropped her off at preschool, it was on a whole new level of strange. She walked in, as confident as ever, not even a look back over her shoulder to me. And that was that, I walked out of school, my heart in my throat and eyes welling up, from the realisation that my baby wasn’t a baby anymore. All day I wondered what she was up to, if she was okay, if she was making friends, happy…. Etc etc. I felt like I’d lost an arm! My sidekick wasn’t there and it was kinda scary.

At 2.30pm we headed off to pick her up. Stood in the playground waiting for them to come out I felt so so proud of her. As I saw them all coming out, all lined up nicely, I spotted my sweet girl. Smiling like the cat that got the cream. I knew then, it was going to be just fine. She was very tired, but very happy. Which made us happy, and the pride literally filled my heart to the point of bursting. My big girl. My incredible one and only, my first, my last, my everything. She was bossing it!

She has done 3 full weeks now, and has a best friend already, I shall refer to her as V. They’re so sweet together, and tell everyone that they’re best friends. They defend each other to other children too, and make sure they know where each other is. They jump, skip, dance and run around together, and walk into and out of school every day together. It’s also lovely because I’m making friends too. Which is something I’ve always struggled with. V’s parents are lovely and we’ve become good friends too. We always have a giggle at drop off and pick up, which makes it all a lot less daunting for me, as my social anxiety is tamed a little because I know people. I know a couple of other mums of reception kids too, which is lovely too.

I think sometimes, we don’t give our kids enough credit. Us parents are often more anxious and worried about these things than the kids. J has taken it all in her stride, and you wouldn’t think she’d only been going to school for 3 weeks. It’s like she’s been there 3 months or even years. She knows the routine, she wakes up wanting to go and bounces out of school each day so happy. I think it’s also helped that she’s made a friend so quickly too, and I’m so glad she has. She’s always been quite sociable, which increased when she started preschool. She settled there really quickly too, although friendships didn’t develop until much further on.

I don’t think my head has really caught up with reality yet though. I look at her and see my 7lb 7oz little bundle and wonder where the time has gone! The past 4 years has gone way too fast. We’ve been through so much, both good and bad. We’ve lived in 3 different homes, the 3rd one where we are now, is most definitely our forever home. We got so so lucky. It was a property I put a bid on back in February of this year. At the end of that bidding cycle it said it had been offered to someone. Plus then covid and lockdown happened, so the council stopped letting homes. I thought we’d missed out and didn’t think anymore of it. Then in July, I get an email, with an offer of a property. The one I bid on it February! It had become available again and I’d been shortlisted to view it. I genuinely didn’t believe it. It felt like someone was winding me up, as I never get that kind of luck! But it was legit. We viewed it and accepted on the spot. 21st of July we took the keys to our new home and begun the moving process once again! My hubby and his parents spend a week or so decorating throughout, then on 1st of August we officially moved in and have been here 2 months now. We’re slowly but surely making it ours, and we love it so much. Its perfect in so many ways. It’s at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac, semi detached bungalow, with currently no one living in the one attached to us. We have a fairly large garden, which is great for J as she loves being outside. Plus, the fact it’s a bungalow is great for me not having to cope with stairs every day. We’ve also got a wet room as well, so personal care is so much easier for me and makes me feel more like myself and regained some of my independence.

Life has given us its fair share of crap over the years, but I feel like it’s finally given us a break. Whilst obviously with covid still running rampant, it’s still a crazy world to be in, but when we get home and close the door, we feel truly happy and content. It’s our forever home and it’s awesome.

On Monday (5th)my hubby and I will have been together for 17 years!! How he’s put up with me for so long, I’ll never comprehend. But he has and I salute him for it, as well as love him more than words. He’s given me our beautiful daughter, taken care of us both, practically and financially, and been my rock since day 1. I wouldn’t be the person I am now if it wasn’t for him, or to be honest, I wouldn’t even be here at all.

This has taken a fair while to type, and my hands are cramping something chronic, the cold weather is not good for my rheumatoid arthritis! So, I shall leave it there. Pop me a comment if you’re still following my blog, and if there’s still a few of you I’ll try my hardest to post more often. Now that life has settled down to more manageable levels, I’m hoping to reignite the passion I once had for blogging and not be so boring and mundane with my posts! Hope you’re all (if there is any of you!) are all okay, staying well and keeping safe!

Take care and until next time x

2020 – let the new adventures begin!

2020 – let the new adventures begin!

Good evening all!

I’ve decided to keep this blog running, to see if I can bring it back to life! I hope this post finds you all well? Myself, not so much! I literally feel like I’m falling apart! I’ve had several new diagnoses this year already, and potentially adding another to it. I’m currently waiting on blood test results, as they think I may be heading back down the road of chronic fatigue syndrome, like I had in my early 20s. I’ve also got high blood pressure, which is likely due to my weight and stress levels lately. 2019 wasn’t the best year for us, so many things went wrong, in some cases catastrophically. Financially we seriously struggled, but we’re slowly building ourselves back up, and I’m hopeful of getting back into a better position where money is concerned. I’m making changes to the way we do things, prioritising bills etc, and really trying to keep track of where our money goes. Literally every penny is being accounted for! I’ll openly admit that I’ve never been good with money, it’s been an issue for me since I was old enough to work and earn it. I’d often spend it before I’d got it, and payday saw it hit and leave my bank account simultaneously! But back then I lived with my grandparents, and didn’t have all the responsibility that I do now. Adulting can surely suck sometimes haha. I’m determined to get it under control and be fully organised with it all. I’ll keep you posted on that one, fingers crossed for me!!

We’ve also been dealing with a threenager, and honestly, it’s been the hardest age so far. I think we got off very lightly with the so called ‘Terrible twos!’ and we’re paying for it now! We’ve had lots of issues with sleep, patience, listening, and just behaviours in general. The good generally outweighs the bad thankfully, but in that moment when it’s bad, I genuinely despair and don’t know how we’ll get through it and out the other side. I’ve been pretty brutal on myself, very self critical, and blamed myself for so many things. I’ve regretted things I’ve said or done so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve found myself literally having to walk out of the house, just to get that moment to myself to calm and step back from the situation, otherwise I think I’d completely lose myself. I’ve had some very low times, where I’ve felt so lost and depressed, that I’ve shut down and genuinely been a horrible person to be around. I try my hardest to put on the brave face and all that, but it does get hard to sometimes. I don’t want J picking up on it too much though, as I know it’ll affect her negatively.

Aside from the struggles we’re having, she’s truly flourishing in other ways. Since starting preschool last September, she’s learning and developing at such a pace, I can’t keep up! Her speech and language has gotten so good, you can have a fairly good conversation with her, and she’s able to communicate her needs etc, which makes things alot easier in certain areas! She’s coming out of herself, her confidence is growing and she’s very keen to learn and try new things. She loves everything creative, like drawing, colouring, dancing, singing and making music. She has the most incredible imagination, and sometimes it’s like she goes into her own little bubble, making up scenarios and characters, and having little adventures with her dinosaurs, animals and dolls. It’s so lovely to watch. Preschool say she’s a wonderful child to have, and that she has a very caring and kind nature. They say she’s above average in some key areas of the EYFS, which makes us super proud! She’s also pretty much potty training herself! We’ve let her lead the way the whole time, so that she does things when she is ready. I won’t push her into doing things, as that makes her less keen on doing them. Whereas when she initiates things, she feels in control and it goes so much smoother and it’s less stressful all round! I don’t think it’ll be too much longer before she’s fully cracked it, as she’s doing so well with it currently. A few accidents here and there, but for the first week being out of nappies, she’s bossing it!

I still can’t comprehend the fact that in just over 5 months, she will be 4 years old, and then starting reception at primary school in September! Time seems to have just flown by, and I often wish I could slow it down or even pause it a while, to savour the moments more and relish in the adventures we have. I know I can’t though, so I’m really trying to make the most of every minute, make memories, and have lots of fun with our sweet girl. She’s going to do amazing things in her future, and I’m excited for her!

Right, there’s things I need to get done this evening, and I’m feeling pretty tired, so will sign off now. I really hope I can get this blog back up where it was all those months ago!

Take care all, and have a great weekend!

Mumma7716 x

Look who’s back 😎

Look who’s back 😎

Hey hey hey!!

I’m so very sorry for being so absent of late. Looking at my posts, the last time I blogged was back in May!! That’s terrible, and I feel really sorry for neglecting you all! So, I’m making it my mission, to write every Friday! And more in between if I can. I really want to make this blog a success, and if I don’t write, that’s not going to happen!

So, a brief catch up is in order!

My baby, is now 3!! How did that even happen?! Time sure does fly, way too fast! When I was pregnant, people kept telling me it would be like that, but I always laughed it off. Now I’m living it, I see just how right they all were! It’s been such a wild ride these past 3 years. I think I’ve been through every emotion possible a million times, and most likely aged and my hair has greyed a fair bit too! But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I absolutely love being a mum, and despite it being the hardest thing I’ve ever done, parenting, to me, is truly a blessing. After such a long journey trying to conceive, I’d just about given up hope of ever being a mum. So to be 3 years into mum life, I count my blessings daily.

It does have its moment of everything being so overwhelming though, and times when I really doubt myself and my parenting abilities. I only have to look at my daughter though, to see how happy and content she is, and she’s so learning and growing so well, I know I’m doing okay. My husband and I are a good team, and get through the rough with the smooth, and I’m proud of us. Yes we’re winging it every day 😂 but we’re doing alright!

So tell me lovely followers, what would you like to see on this blog? I have a few ideas, such as product reviews (I have a couple in mind to write up in the next week or so) and also parenting hacks and life organising kinda stuff. Mental health will be a strong influence in the background, and I’ll focus on it at times when it’s relevant. I feel it’s important to keep talking about it, and continue to break down those walls of stigma surrounding it, and help people feel less alone, and that it’s genuinely okay to not be okay sometimes.

Pop me a comment and let me know your thoughts. This blog is just as much for my followers, if not more so, as it is for me. What started out all those years ago, as a form of therapy for me during a really tough time in my life, has grown and blossomed into something entirely different and something I’m genuinely proud of. It’s an open and honest blog, and always will be. I don’t see the point of hiding the truth, when times are hard, I’ll say so. Likewise when they’re great, I’ll say that too! For every hard time, is a better time just around the corner. You can’t have sunshine and rainbows all the time, but it can’t rain all the time either. Life is for living, and totally what you make it. So give it your best shot, you deserve it, you’re worth it and it’s only you who can make it happen!

Thanks to all who have stuck around despite the long silences, I am determined to do better!!

Have a great weekend all, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Mumma7716 x

Family, life and thoughts….

Family, life and thoughts….

Hi all, apologies for the radio silence once again, days seem to just fly by and I can’t keep up. Things have been pretty hectic with one thing and another, but thought I’d pop in a post whilst I had a spare few minutes!!

So, today, I’m talking about family. Because just lately, I’ve felt so blessed to have my family. People who love and care about me, and I’d genuinely be lost without them.

Family isn’t always about blood relations. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Theres family by marriage, and family by choice too. Like friends for example. Those you’ve known for longer than you can remember, and are like family to you. They know everything about you, and you’d trust them with everything you have. I have several really close friends, who are like brothers and sisters to me. They’ve all got my back, and I theirs.

It’s a shame that certain members of my family by blood, don’t want to be a part of mine. But I’ve come to accept that, and living life to the full without them. I won’t chase those who don’t want to know me, as there’s just no point. It’s a waste of my energy, that I can focus upon those who do want to know me. Despite it all, I still gained 2 aunts, 2 uncles, and some cousins. So it’s not all bad. Ultimately, for those who don’t want to know, it’s their loss, not mine. I lived my life for 33 years without them in it, so there is no doubt I can continue to do so. There’s a vast difference between needing and wanting people in your life. I wanted them in my life, but I don’t need them. It may sound harsh, but it’s true.

I often feel kind of sad about it, because in the beginning it was brilliant. We all got on like we had never been apart. But it just wasn’t meant to be. I guess it’s true what they say about leaving the past in the past, and there’s no point dwelling on it. I succeeded in what I set out to do, that’s what’s important.

My immediate family (daughter and husband) are my everything. The reason I get up in the mornings, despite all the pains and low moods. They’re the reason I carry on fighting, day after day, because they need me, just as much as I need them. My daughter is growing up so so fast, and I’m scared I’ll blink and miss it. She is 3 in just over a month, and then off to preschool in September. I’m still struggling to really get my head around that, and still think back to the early days when she was a tiny baby, fully dependant on me for everything. Of course she is still pretty dependant on me now, but in a totally different way. She loves to be independent, and is constantly pushing and trying to be more so. If you try to help her, you often get told no, she will do it. She’s quite feisty and strong willed, and stubborn just like me! She makes me so proud every single day, of her, but also of myself. I feel so lucky to have been pregnant and given birth to such a beautiful little human. I may hate my body, and how I look, but it did a damn good job of growing a human. And for that, I’m proud. I feel sad for those who struggle or never even get to experience that, and can totally understand the pain and upset it causes. I thought it would never happen for us, and just when I’d about given up all hope, I was pregnant. The most terrifying and exhilarating feeling I’ve ever felt.

In some ways, I miss pregnancy, all those exciting times like scans, first kicks, hearing baby’s heartbeat etc. I miss my bump too, it made me feel genuinely beautiful, and I loved watching it grow. Although not so much the aches and pains that came with it! But it was all worth it, every part of it, to have my precious child.

I’ll leave you all with a few last thoughts for the day: Cherish every single moment with your family, never miss an opportunity to tell them you love them or give them a hug. You never know what tomorrow may bring, life is far shorter than you think. Don’t take for granted anyone, or anything. Because you could lose it quicker than you realise. While you’re wanting more, you’re missing what you already have. Live life for the now, don’t dwell on the past, and the future will take care of itself.
X

My favourite tiny human….

My favourite tiny human….

….Is of course, my daughter. Who is officially 2 and a half years old as of yesterday, (7.1.19).

When I realised this yesterday, whilst out and about, it made me so emotional. I really had to fight with myself to keep my emotions under control in public!! To comprehend the fact that in 6 months, I’ll have a 3 year old, is really hard. I’ve been a mother 2 and a half years, and I’m honestly still winging it every single day 😂 I doubt I’m the only parent to say that either. Parenthood is a crazy ride, where you’re constantly learning and it’s often quite a wild adventure. But, I honestly love it. Yes, there’s crappy times of worry and stress (illness, misbehaviour etc), but the good, amazing and happy times, far outweigh the crappy ones. Making memories, having fun, laughter, and so much more, make life so worthwhile.

I’m so very proud of my sweet girl; she’s learning new things literally every day, her vocabulary seems to expand daily too. She’s such a character, literally makes everyone she meets smile, and lights up the room wherever she goes. She’s funny, crazy, stubborn, determined, brave, fierce, strong-willed, and super smart. For 2 and a half years old, she’s pretty bloody amazing!! I know I’m biased, but so many people tell me what a great kid she is, and how cute/beautiful/gorgeous she is. My heart literally bursts with pride every time, and I look at her sometimes, and think just how lucky I am to be her mummy. To me she is totally perfect, I just know she’s going to do amazing things as she grows up.

Our world flipped upside down the day she was born, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. She’s worth every minute of lost sleep, every grey hair, every stretch mark and wrinkle. I can’t remember or imagine life without my precious girl in it. She’s my world, and always will be. I waited so long to become a mother, and I feel genuinely blessed to now be one. When I was pregnant, we didn’t find out the gender at scans, we kept it a surprise. I had such a strong feeling though, that I was carrying a girl. Not sure why, but I just knew. A mothers instinct perhaps? Right from the beginning. Obviously I would have been just as happy to be the mother of a son, but there was a huge part of me that was glad we had a girl 😀 I guess I’ve always wanted a daughter, and to have that mother and daughter bond.

Having my daughter, totally changed my perspective and outlook on life too. I honestly think she saved me. I still have rough times, and super tough times, where I battle my demons and the negative thoughts. There’s still even times where the suicidal thoughts creep in and consume me. But, my daughter is and always will be, my protective factor. I couldn’t leave her. I couldn’t leave my husband either, of course. Every time that I feel low, or have those negative thoughts, I just look at my daughter. Even at the worst times in my head, I couldn’t and wouldn’t act upon any of those thoughts. My daughter needs her mummy, just as much as I need her. She’s my mini me, my side kick, my best girl and my favourite tiny human ❤

^T.U.M^