The struggle is real!

The struggle is real!

Today has been a whole truck load of epic shit. Started far too early at around 4am, and didn’t really improve much. Literally every part of my body hurts. I feel utterly exhausted physically, emotionally, mentally…. it feels like 1 more push, and I’ll drop over the edge. A breakdown isn’t far away, and it scares me. I hope, with every ounce of strength I can muster, that I can claw my way back up before it consumes me.

The saving grace after such a shitty day, was when my beautiful daughter, said clearly and fully pronounced “I love you mummy”, then fell asleep whilst holding my hand. My heart literally melted like an ice cube in a frying pan. Tears filled my eyes, and I felt so much love and all the shit of the day just melted away into a distant memory. I may be struggling, but I’ll keep fighting as hard as I can, to keep afloat and not fall completely. I need to, for my baby girl.

Tomorrow, we’re visiting a pre-school, and I feel super emotional about it. I know the time will come eventually, but I really wish it wasn’t so soon. It feels like the past 2 and a half years have flown by, and my baby isn’t a baby anymore. She’s a beautiful little human, with so much love to give. I know she’ll love the experience of pre-school and making friends, learning and having fun. It’ll be me that’s an emotional mess, leaving my baby in the care of someone else. I’ve never left her with anyone except her daddy. She’s my precious girl, and no matter how tired or stressed I am, I’m better when she’s with me. My anxiety when we’re apart for any length of time, is quite frankly horrible. Its completely irrational probably, but she’s literally my everything and I just hate being away from her. I feel like a totally shit mum sometimes, when I get ratty and cross with her, but I hope she understands as she gets older, that it’s only because I care about her so so much. I do my best, always. Everything I do, every breath I take, is for her. Shes the reason I wake up in the mornings (quite literally!) and the reason I will never stop fighting my demons, no matter how hard they try to kick my ass.

I’m determined to give my daughter the best possible life. She’s so deserving of it, and I’ll make sure it happens, no matter what. I don’t care if I have to go without things or sacrifice anything for her sake, she’s totally worth it.

My first, my last, my everything. I love her to the moon and back, with every beat of my heart, that love grows stronger.

^T.U.M^

Time flies….

Time flies….

Hey hey hey….

So it’s the 30th of September…. where the heck has this year gone?! It’s like I blinked and missed it somehow! As October is upon us tomorrow, I’ve been kinda reflecting over what’s happened this year. As I do sometimes haha! It’s been pretty eventful, but mostly pretty good. Amongst the chaos, we’ve had some really amazing times, and our daughter is growing up way too fast! She’s a really defiant little miss sometimes, seriously stubborn like me! She loves being independent as much as possible, she’s pretty much mastered going up and down stairs (which is terrifying!), is starting to speak in sentences a lot more, loves singing and dancing, runs like Usain Bolt, loves building with mega blocks, drawing, telling us stories when looking at books and generally just exploring, learning and being a toddler. The “terrible 2’s” are definitely not a myth though, and she can kick off in spectacular fashion sometimes! But, she makes me so very proud and melts my heart more times a day than I can count. Think I’ve said this before, but it’s so true. She’s truly a little blessing and completes our world totally. She’s an absolute loon, and fits in perfectly! I can’t remember life without her in it now, and quite frankly, don’t want to really. She’s made life infinitely better, and I’m loving watching her grow up, although I wish time would slow down a bit….

I think my mental health seems to have settled a bit now too, although anxiety is still pretty high for many reasons. I got my hospital referral appointment through last week, for 4th December. A lot sooner than I’d anticipated, but am slightly relieved I don’t have to wait until next year to get things investigated and see what’s going on. The pain is unbearable sometimes, and it’s getting to the point where I need to know what’s wrong and I really hope that there’s something that can be done to ease the symptoms.

I’m trying really hard to lose some weight too, as it can help with endometriosis (if that’s what it is), but I need to lose some anyway. Well, a fair bit to be honest…. at least 2 stone. Although, I’ve lost more before, so I know I can do it. It’s just a case of getting my head in the game and doing it. I’ve got my Fitbit, and am trying to hit 10,000 steps a day, and I’m trying to eat better too. I do really well during the day, but then I get a snack attack in the evenings, and it all goes wrong. I need to sort that out, asap!

Anyway, I’m going to attempt to write some “themed” blog posts in the coming weeks, focusing on a specific topic in each post. So, I’m calling all of you in to help me. What do you want to read about? What would be relevant to you? This blog is technically for me, to vent and process the craziness that is life as a mum, but it’s also for my followers too. I want to be posting things that you’re interested in reading, things that are relevant to my followers, rather than just always blabbering about my stuff! It could be anything relating to parenting, mental health, or just life in general. It could also be about beauty (well, makeup or nails!), as I’m now studying both a Nail Technician course and a Makeup Artist course too. I felt the latter was really appropriate, to go alongside my Younique business. It will help if I know how to apply makeup correctly, and what skincare regimes are appropriate for different skin types. Of course, there’s a lot more to it than that most likely, but those are a couple of things that’ll definitely be useful. I’ll be in a better position to advise people who are looking for a particular product and to help them find the right makeup to suit them, their skin and their needs. Exciting times indeed! You could even ask me about becoming a Younique Presenter yourself, as I’m recruiting for my team now too πŸ™‚

Right, I’ll leave it there for tonight, as I’m utterly knackered after a busy day of cleaning, catching up with laundry, and running around after my energizer bunny child! Drop me a comment with any ideas of what you’d like me to write about, and I’ll get cracking on writing some posts πŸ™‚ Have a great week everyone!

^T.U.M^ x

 

 

My top 3 sleep related baby buys!

My top 3 sleep related baby buys!

Good evening!

I’m rather sleep deprived tonight, as our little miss decided that 3am was a great time to wake up and point blank refuse to go back to sleep! We had her in our bed for a bit, in the hopes she’d settle, but no such luck. So, by about 5am, we gave up and all got up. Safe to say that it’s been a very long day! She had a nice 2-hour nap this morning though, and I had planned to do the same, but with one thing and another, it just didn’t happen. I’m feeling utterly wiped out now and been on auto-pilot I think for most of the day!

For tonight’s post, I thought I’d write about my top 3 sleep-related baby buys, that I’d recommend to any new parent! There are so many products out there for babies and children, it’s often like a minefield trying to work out what is worth it and what isn’t! But these 3, are things that I couldn’t have lived without!

So, here are my top 3 best buys (Click on the titles to go check them out on Amazon!) –

The Chicco Next2me Crib

61RtcRhspQL._SL1000_

This, for me, was my ultimate favourite product! Having my baby right there next to me, was both reassuring and amazingly convenient for night feeds. It meant I didn’t have to get out of bed to get to her, especially great in those first few days and weeks when recovering from birth! We formula fed (will write about feeding in another post), so hubby used to get up and get the bottle, while I held her close and reassured her that food was coming! There are a few different colour options for the next2me, we had a grey one. I absolutely adored it, and rate it a definite 10/10!

The Sleepyhead Deluxe

51vX1gDdblL._SL1080_

We had the first version of this, just known as the Deluxe. We didn’t have it from the beginning, but purchased it shortly after our daughter was born, as so many people recommended it to us. Our daughter absolutely loved it and slept so well in it. It made her feel safe and snug, and really helped us all get some extra rest! Being portable, it was great as we could move it from room to room, so she was always with us. To know she was safe and comfortable was great too. Another 10/10 rating for this one!

Ewan the dream sheep

91pPIWGZInL._SL1500_

Last but not least, our pal Ewan! It’s a multi-award winning sleep-aid and was really effective in helping us settle our daughter. It has a soothing pink glow in its chest, and 4 different sounds (each foot plays a different one). There are womb sounds, rain, vacuum cleaner and a harp music lullaby too. All of the different sounds have a heartbeat sound mixed in with them as well. Sounds and light play for 20 minutes, and the comforting sound is great for newborns, as it mimics the environment of the womb. Our daughter loved her Ewan, and still has him now at the age of 2!

I hope that you found this post useful, and I’m sure there’ll be plenty more like it coming soon too!

Right, I’m going to go collapse into bed and keep everything crossed for a good full nights sleep! Thanks for reading, and I’ll be back soon πŸ™‚

^T.U.M^