Ugh. That’s the general feels for today…. just, ugh.
It’s been a really hard, draining, stressful day. From the moment I woke up, to right now, I’ve struggled with literally everything. Getting out of bed this morning, was super tough, as I just felt so achey and heavy, I very nearly just didn’t bother getting up at all. I had a doctors appointment though, and I knew if I didn’t go, I’d be pissed at myself. So, I was up, dressed and out the door in the space of 20 minutes. Was late to my appointment, but they’re never running on time anyway. I was seeing the one and only doctor, that does the mirena coil procedures. On the advice of my GP when I saw her last week, to try and ease my anxiety and fears about having it. As that’s seemingly my only option for now. She was very reassuring, and despite still feeling pretty anxious about it, after the appointment, I booked in for the swabs (to make sure there’s no infections etc before having it put in) and the procedure too. 14th February for swabs, and if they’re all okay, 7th March for the mirena. It’s an early appointment, so at least I can get it out of the way and get on with the day. Does mean getting up early though, with enough time to eat and take pain relief before going for it. I am dreading it, I won’t lie, but I’m sincerely hoping it’s as amazing as I’m being led to believe….
Anyway, after the doctors, I picked up a few bits from the shop for lunch and headed home. This afternoon, we went up to Iceland and Aldi, and in Iceland, little miss decided to kick off in epic style. I actually wanted the ground to swallow me up at one point. I could feel all eyes around me, burning into my skin almost. I could hear the tuts, and saw the shaking of heads and disapproving looks. I glared back at a few of them, and really had to bite my tongue and hold back from losing my shit with people. I felt so vulnerable and anxious, and totally lost it with my poor girl. I hate getting cross with her. I hate losing my temper. It makes me feel so angry at myself, and guilty for upsetting her and making the situation worse. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose (mostly!), and that she’s just venting her frustration in the only way she knows how. I also realise that she’s growing up, and therefore wanting to be more independent. Today the kick off was because she wanted to get out of the buggy and walk. At the time, we were trying to get the bits of shopping we needed and get home. We were all tired, a little bit on the frazzled side, and it escalated pretty quickly. Once we’d paid, and got some of the way home, off the main busy road too, I got her out of the buggy and we let her walk the rest of the way home. She did really well, and held my hand all the way. I was genuinely really proud of her, and how well she behaved once she was out and calm. She was pointing things out, like dogs, leaves, cars etc. She is super observant of everything around her, and I love that. We eventually made it home, and up to the house. I was relieved to be honest, as my anxiety was raging and I needed to get back to my comfort zone and calm down.
J is so fiercely stubborn when it comes to independence. She’s so strong willed, and when she makes up her mind to do something or wants something, there’s literally no point really trying to battle with her. Obviously there is times where we do have to stick to our guns and say no to some things, and deal with the inevitable consequences, but most of the time, our little toddler terror, usually wins, just for a quiet life! It’s probably not the greatest parenting in the world, but it’s how we feel is best for us, and it works (most of the time). So, stuff what anyone else thinks. Our child, our lives, our rules. Simples!
Before I sign off for the night, I’d love to ask a little favour of you all if I may…. if you have Facebook, I would be so grateful if you’d pop onto my page and give it a like. I’m working really hard on building it back up again, after having to start fresh. I think the link to it should be to the side of this post, but if not, you can find it by clicking here – Mumma:7716
I post as often as I can to my page, more often than I sit and write a blog post anyway! I missed my usual Sunday blog sesh, as J refused to go to bed until nearly 11pm, and by that point I was just shattered and had zero concentration!
Right, going to call it there for tonight, I hope you all had a good weekend, and that Monday was kind to you today! Have a fab week everyone, and I’ll speak to you again soon!
Much love X