Monday Madness

Monday Madness

Ugh. That’s the general feels for today…. just, ugh.

It’s been a really hard, draining, stressful day. From the moment I woke up, to right now, I’ve struggled with literally everything. Getting out of bed this morning, was super tough, as I just felt so achey and heavy, I very nearly just didn’t bother getting up at all. I had a doctors appointment though, and I knew if I didn’t go, I’d be pissed at myself. So, I was up, dressed and out the door in the space of 20 minutes. Was late to my appointment, but they’re never running on time anyway. I was seeing the one and only doctor, that does the mirena coil procedures. On the advice of my GP when I saw her last week, to try and ease my anxiety and fears about having it. As that’s seemingly my only option for now. She was very reassuring, and despite still feeling pretty anxious about it, after the appointment, I booked in for the swabs (to make sure there’s no infections etc before having it put in) and the procedure too. 14th February for swabs, and if they’re all okay, 7th March for the mirena. It’s an early appointment, so at least I can get it out of the way and get on with the day. Does mean getting up early though, with enough time to eat and take pain relief before going for it. I am dreading it, I won’t lie, but I’m sincerely hoping it’s as amazing as I’m being led to believe….

Anyway, after the doctors, I picked up a few bits from the shop for lunch and headed home. This afternoon, we went up to Iceland and Aldi, and in Iceland, little miss decided to kick off in epic style. I actually wanted the ground to swallow me up at one point. I could feel all eyes around me, burning into my skin almost. I could hear the tuts, and saw the shaking of heads and disapproving looks. I glared back at a few of them, and really had to bite my tongue and hold back from losing my shit with people. I felt so vulnerable and anxious, and totally lost it with my poor girl. I hate getting cross with her. I hate losing my temper. It makes me feel so angry at myself, and guilty for upsetting her and making the situation worse. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose (mostly!), and that she’s just venting her frustration in the only way she knows how. I also realise that she’s growing up, and therefore wanting to be more independent. Today the kick off was because she wanted to get out of the buggy and walk. At the time, we were trying to get the bits of shopping we needed and get home. We were all tired, a little bit on the frazzled side, and it escalated pretty quickly. Once we’d paid, and got some of the way home, off the main busy road too, I got her out of the buggy and we let her walk the rest of the way home. She did really well, and held my hand all the way. I was genuinely really proud of her, and how well she behaved once she was out and calm. She was pointing things out, like dogs, leaves, cars etc. She is super observant of everything around her, and I love that. We eventually made it home, and up to the house. I was relieved to be honest, as my anxiety was raging and I needed to get back to my comfort zone and calm down.

J is so fiercely stubborn when it comes to independence. She’s so strong willed, and when she makes up her mind to do something or wants something, there’s literally no point really trying to battle with her. Obviously there is times where we do have to stick to our guns and say no to some things, and deal with the inevitable consequences, but most of the time, our little toddler terror, usually wins, just for a quiet life! It’s probably not the greatest parenting in the world, but it’s how we feel is best for us, and it works (most of the time). So, stuff what anyone else thinks. Our child, our lives, our rules. Simples!

Before I sign off for the night, I’d love to ask a little favour of you all if I may…. if you have Facebook, I would be so grateful if you’d pop onto my page and give it a like. I’m working really hard on building it back up again, after having to start fresh. I think the link to it should be to the side of this post, but if not, you can find it by clicking here – Mumma:7716

I post as often as I can to my page, more often than I sit and write a blog post anyway! I missed my usual Sunday blog sesh, as J refused to go to bed until nearly 11pm, and by that point I was just shattered and had zero concentration!

Right, going to call it there for tonight, I hope you all had a good weekend, and that Monday was kind to you today! Have a fab week everyone, and I’ll speak to you again soon!

Much love X

 

Holding on, just.

Holding on, just.

Hi all,

Thought I’d check in whilst I had 5 minutes to sit and write; things are, in a word, tough.

I’m tired; so very tired. J has been all over the place with her sleep lately, and it’s having such a huge impact on me now. I literally feel like I’m broken. There’s not a part of my body that doesn’t ache; my joints feel stiff and swollen; I’m snappy, irritable, and just generally such a crappy person lately. I hate it. I hate how I am, the crushing lows that I feel, and the fact that I don’t know what to do about it. Yes, I could go to my GP, but there’s very little that she can really do. Tweak my medication maybe? But that’s about it. I’m sick of relying on medication as it is, the last thing I want to be doing is increasing any of them. Especially as there may be more added to the mix once I’ve seen the Rheumatology consultant next month. I feel like a walking pharmacy. Even my hubby commented on the amount of pills I take in a day. It’s ridiculous. But necessary, in order for me to “function”. Even though I don’t feel like I’m functioning at all recently. More like just existing. Plodding on, as I have to, and that’s about it. It’s pretty shit in all honesty.

Today was a proud day though, as we’ve officially started potty training. We’ve totally let J take control, and let us know when she was ready. Today was that day. She actually used the potty, rather than just sitting on it. I think it took her by surprise, as much as it did us too. But I’m so so proud of her. She’s growing up way too fast though, and that’s kinda scary. Every “first” is the last. If that makes sense. I’m not going to be experiencing any of these moments again, so it feels a little bittersweet to be honest. In a way, I’ve tried to put off such things like potty training, to try and keep her as my baby for as long as possible. I realise though, that that’s not fair on her. She’s allowed to grow up, learn new things, take big steps like using the potty today, and she’s allowed to carve her own path in life. I will never hold her back. She’s her own person, and her personality and character are really shining through, and she’s genuinely such a lovely kid to be around. Of course she has her moments, where I’m tearing my hair out in frustration, but she’s just a typical toddler in that respect. They test patience and boundaries, that’s how they learn at the end of the day. If they don’t do things wrong, then they don’t learn the difference between that and doing things right. It’s our job as parents, to ensure their safety, and guide them along the path of growing up, but not to limit them to the extent that they feel suffocated or like they’re wrapped up in cotton wool. Grazed knees, bumps and bruises, are part and parcel of growing up. They’re not something we can prevent, and to be honest, we shouldn’t try. Of course, keeping them out of danger and harms way, is vital. But the rest, we just need to let go and allow them to experience things.

Since becoming a mum, it’s been quite hard for me in many ways. Being a first time mum, over 30, and having mental health problems, I found myself facing a lot of criticism and judgement. I never felt like I was doing a good enough job, and that my way of parenting was wrong. Post Natal Depression kicked my arse. I’m not ashamed to admit that. I literally fell apart. Sleep deprivation is an absolute nightmare, and the demands of a newborn are super intense. There was many times, that I felt like I couldn’t do it, and that I wasn’t good enough. But I battled through it, as my daughter needed me, and I wasn’t about to give up on myself, nor her. Tough times are inevitable, but they do pass. Tough people, get through them. They fight tooth and nail, to get to the other side. To climb out of the low moments, and embrace the good things. No matter how hard it may be, I won’t give up. Every battle I face, I know that I can win. It may not be an immediate victory, and it most likely won’t be easy. But I have the biggest reason to always keep trying. My daughter – my world, my rainbow, my sunshine, my forever love. There will never be a battle that I can’t face up to and win, with my daughter by my side, she gives me the strength and determination.

Of course, I should also say that I fight these battles for my husband too. The love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend. We’ve been having a bit of a rough time recently too, most likely down to the fact we’re both so utterly exhausted, being the parents of a toddler, who resembles more of an energiser bunny most days! For every fight and fall out we have though, I’m sure it makes us stronger as a result. We both apologise, and move on. Some days are harder than others, and I’ve often cried over things, and felt concerned that I’m pushing him away. It would literally break me into a million pieces to lose him. He’s my rock. He’s supported me through literally the worst times of my life, and I’ll forever be grateful for that. It shows me just what unconditional love truly is. He’s been by my side for over 15 years now, and he’s never given up on me. Even when I’ve been a total bitch to him, and been an utter nightmare to live with. He’s defended me, protected me, and blessed me with the gift of our daughter. Simply the greatest gift of all, and seeing him being such a great father too, just makes me love him all the more.

I don’t know if any of this post has really made any sense, but it’s helped me process a few things in my head, and realise just how damn lucky I truly am. We may not have it all, but having each other is enough. I wouldn’t be here now, if it wasn’t for my husband. He came into my life at the exact point when I needed a knight in shining armour to save me. I honestly feel like the luckiest woman on the planet, I may not be rich in terms of money, but I’m most certainly rich in terms of how much I’m loved, needed and wanted. And that to me, is worth more than any amount of money.

I love my little family, and no matter what life throws at us, we’ll face it all together.

Good night all x

^T.U.M^

A Different Perspective….

A Different Perspective….

Hi lovely peeps! Hope you’ve had a good weekend?! Thought I’d drop by and write a little about our last week and weekend, as things have been a little crazy, and I feel I need to process it a little bit. My blog is perfect for that πŸ™‚

So, I last posted at the end of September, and a week has passed since then! Which is actually pretty scary, how quickly time can pass without you totally noticing! It’s been somewhat hectic, stressful, emotional, overwhelming, but also pretty good too. I shall enlighten you….

The start of the week was pretty uneventful really, the usual money in, money out scenario causing stress, but it is what it is, and I’m starting to take steps to get on top of that. As the week went on, our little miss started being a nightmare at bedtimes. Lots of screaming, shouting, crying and general defiance. We were honestly at our wit’s end by the weekend. The days were long, stressful, and she was being a little menace most of the time. However, I posted about my frustrations and emotions on my favourite Facebook group, for parents (well, mums) of only children. The support, advice and love I received were truly overwhelming. It made me feel so much better and less alone. It made me realise that what we’re going through is totally normal and that our daughter isn’t doing it on purpose. It’s natural to think sometimes, that your child is testing you deliberately, and sometimes that’s true, but most of the time it’s just them struggling with their own frustrations and they just need a little more love and respect. Like any human being. We all have times where we feel like we can’t cope with what’s going on around us, and for someone so small, it must be quite terrifying at times. So, it’s understandable that she has meltdowns, tantrums and gets upset over seemingly insignificant things. To her though, they’re big things, and she doesn’t understand why they’re happening and gets overwhelmed. Looking at it from a different angle, and putting myself into her tiny shoes, I felt so guilty. I hadn’t stopped to think about how she may have been feeling. I was getting frustrated with her demanding my attention all of the time, and not letting me out of her sight for even a minute. But, after chatting to one of the admins on the aforementioned group, she offered to voice message me some advice. She’s a family therapist, and so very wise. After listening to her message, something clicked in my head, and I looked at my daughter with a whole new perspective. It actually made me well up with tears, because I had such a sudden rush of emotions, and love for her. Since that point (this morning!), I’ve not shouted, lost my temper, or dismissed her demands for attention. I’ve been there 100% for her, giving her my all and spending quality time with her. Today has been such a different day compared to the last week. It was calm, chilled, I still managed to get things done (namely housework, how dull!), and I even had a bath. So the self-care really helped me and gave our daughter some precious daddy and daughter time. As the evening came around, we had dinner, and I did the usual tidy up and other little jobs that I usually do in the lead up to her bedtime. But then we did something different. Instead of then getting her ready for bed, and facing that nightly battle that we’ve had most of the week. We just sat down with her, and let her run around, burning off the excess energy, and having fun. She was happy, laughing and so were we. There was no drama, no tantrums, no crying or screaming. It was pure bliss, to be honest. It got to nearly 10pm, and she was starting to show signs of feeling tired. So, we suggested we get her PJ’s on and brush her teeth, which she didn’t mind doing. Whilst daddy was getting her ready, I got her milk ready. As soon as she saw the milk, she said goodnight to the cat, grabbed her favourite teddies, and went and stood at the bottom of the stairs ready to go up. So we all went up, had some cuddles on our bed whilst she drank some milk, then she got off our bed and started heading to her bedroom (with a few distractions and a bit of procrastinating along the way!). But, we let her do what she felt she needed to do. Then she came to me for a cuddle and a kiss, and I said the usual goodnight routine things, and daddy got her into bed. I quietly went downstairs, to tidy up, and daddy stayed with her until she fell asleep. She was so calm and didn’t make much of a fuss about getting into bed. In bed by 10pm, and asleep by 10.15pm!! It felt so amazing!! My husband came downstairs, and we actually high fived, we were so happy! There’d been no tears, shouting or protesting. We were all relaxed and content. It was truly a beautiful moment, and I feel so relieved. Whether it’s a fluke or one-off or not, I don’t know. But if we carry on with the same approach, I don’t see why it wouldn’t carry on in the same way. We can hope that it does start to settle down now, but we’ll just take each day as it comes, and try and not get too worked up over things. There’s honestly no harm in being child-led at all. It’s ultimately going to benefit us all, in many ways.

Our daughter is really strong-willed and fiercely independent, so letting her lead the way is a pretty natural approach to our parenting. We’ve always been in that kind of mindset to be honest, ever since she was born. We’ve always gone by her cues, for most things. It’s simpler and effective. I think recently though, we kind of lost our way a little bit, with other stress factors playing a massive part. We got too worked up over what we thought should be happening, when in fact, it didn’t really matter what time she went to bed in the grand scheme of things. Taking a step back, relaxing, and letting things just happen naturally, has made such a huge difference. It’s made us both feel far more confident about our parenting skills, we’re both happier, and so is our daughter. We’re going to try really hard to keep calm and go with the flow, as it’s honestly been a total game changer.

There’s a lot of developmental things going on around this age, and I can’t begin to imagine how tough it must be for someone so small to comprehend it all. If you think about how stressed and frustrated us adults can get about things, it must be all the more difficult as a toddler. They’re naturally curious and want to know what everything is and why it’s happening, and that’s a really good thing. We need to embrace that and encourage it. We’ve noticed our daughter really shine with confidence recently, she’s speaking more and more in sentences, she can tell you what a lot of things are, her grasp of letters and numbers is getting really good, and she’s genuinely a pleasure to be around. We just need to cherish her, enjoy her, and take comfort in the fact that hard times don’t last forever, aka the mantra of “This too shall pass”. The days are long, but the years are short. She won’t be little forever, and there’ll come a day when we’re sitting here in a quiet, tidy home, and missing the chaos and mess of having a small person running around. Children are a joy and we should make the most of every moment. It’s wonderful watching them learn and grow, their imaginations are fascinating, and I love watching my daughter playing and chatting away to us, telling us about everything. It’s amazing. I’m so overwhelmingly proud of her, and always will be.

I have to give huge credit and massive thanks to the amazing Charlene! You can find her website here – The Village Family Support

It’s thanks to her that my mindset and perspective has totally changed for the better. I think I’d just lost my way a little bit, with one thing and another going on in life, I was burnt out and run down. I let my head rule over my heart too much, and I became a frazzled mess quite frankly!! But now, I’ve really relaxed, taken everything much more in my stride, and feel so much happier as a result. I’m not by any means, a perfect parent, no such person exists. We’re all just winging it, and that’s okay! We all make mistakes, and we all lose our sh*t from time to time too, which is also okay! Just breathe, cry it out if you need to, vent to a friend or your spouse, shake the negativity off and carry on. If we get stressed or anxious, our kids pick up on that, and they too feel stressed and anxious. Keeping calm ourselves keeps them calm. Taking time to listen to them, let them express their feelings, vent their frustrations, and be there for them, not just in that moment, but always. Hold them close and cherish them, they’re so so precious. Make the most of every minute, and make every minute count. For me, being a parent is an amazing, emotional, breathtaking, crazy, chaotic, journey; but I wouldn’t have it any other way! ❀

^T.U.M^

 

Time flies….

Time flies….

Hey hey hey….

So it’s the 30th of September…. where the heck has this year gone?! It’s like I blinked and missed it somehow! As October is upon us tomorrow, I’ve been kinda reflecting over what’s happened this year. As I do sometimes haha! It’s been pretty eventful, but mostly pretty good. Amongst the chaos, we’ve had some really amazing times, and our daughter is growing up way too fast! She’s a really defiant little miss sometimes, seriously stubborn like me! She loves being independent as much as possible, she’s pretty much mastered going up and down stairs (which is terrifying!), is starting to speak in sentences a lot more, loves singing and dancing, runs like Usain Bolt, loves building with mega blocks, drawing, telling us stories when looking at books and generally just exploring, learning and being a toddler. The “terrible 2’s” are definitely not a myth though, and she can kick off in spectacular fashion sometimes! But, she makes me so very proud and melts my heart more times a day than I can count. Think I’ve said this before, but it’s so true. She’s truly a little blessing and completes our world totally. She’s an absolute loon, and fits in perfectly! I can’t remember life without her in it now, and quite frankly, don’t want to really. She’s made life infinitely better, and I’m loving watching her grow up, although I wish time would slow down a bit….

I think my mental health seems to have settled a bit now too, although anxiety is still pretty high for many reasons. I got my hospital referral appointment through last week, for 4th December. A lot sooner than I’d anticipated, but am slightly relieved I don’t have to wait until next year to get things investigated and see what’s going on. The pain is unbearable sometimes, and it’s getting to the point where I need to know what’s wrong and I really hope that there’s something that can be done to ease the symptoms.

I’m trying really hard to lose some weight too, as it can help with endometriosis (if that’s what it is), but I need to lose some anyway. Well, a fair bit to be honest…. at least 2 stone. Although, I’ve lost more before, so I know I can do it. It’s just a case of getting my head in the game and doing it. I’ve got my Fitbit, and am trying to hit 10,000 steps a day, and I’m trying to eat better too. I do really well during the day, but then I get a snack attack in the evenings, and it all goes wrong. I need to sort that out, asap!

Anyway, I’m going to attempt to write some “themed” blog posts in the coming weeks, focusing on a specific topic in each post. So, I’m calling all of you in to help me. What do you want to read about? What would be relevant to you? This blog is technically for me, to vent and process the craziness that is life as a mum, but it’s also for my followers too. I want to be posting things that you’re interested in reading, things that are relevant to my followers, rather than just always blabbering about my stuff! It could be anything relating to parenting, mental health, or just life in general. It could also be about beauty (well, makeup or nails!), as I’m now studying both a Nail Technician course and a Makeup Artist course too. I felt the latter was really appropriate, to go alongside my Younique business. It will help if I know how to apply makeup correctly, and what skincare regimes are appropriate for different skin types. Of course, there’s a lot more to it than that most likely, but those are a couple of things that’ll definitely be useful. I’ll be in a better position to advise people who are looking for a particular product and to help them find the right makeup to suit them, their skin and their needs. Exciting times indeed! You could even ask me about becoming a Younique Presenter yourself, as I’m recruiting for my team now too πŸ™‚

Right, I’ll leave it there for tonight, as I’m utterly knackered after a busy day of cleaning, catching up with laundry, and running around after my energizer bunny child! Drop me a comment with any ideas of what you’d like me to write about, and I’ll get cracking on writing some posts πŸ™‚ Have a great week everyone!

^T.U.M^ x

 

 

My top 3 sleep related baby buys!

My top 3 sleep related baby buys!

Good evening!

I’m rather sleep deprived tonight, as our little miss decided that 3am was a great time to wake up and point blank refuse to go back to sleep! We had her in our bed for a bit, in the hopes she’d settle, but no such luck. So, by about 5am, we gave up and all got up. Safe to say that it’s been a very long day! She had a nice 2-hour nap this morning though, and I had planned to do the same, but with one thing and another, it just didn’t happen. I’m feeling utterly wiped out now and been on auto-pilot I think for most of the day!

For tonight’s post, I thought I’d write about my top 3 sleep-related baby buys, that I’d recommend to any new parent! There are so many products out there for babies and children, it’s often like a minefield trying to work out what is worth it and what isn’t! But these 3, are things that I couldn’t have lived without!

So, here are my top 3 best buys (Click on the titles to go check them out on Amazon!) –

The Chicco Next2me Crib

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This, for me, was my ultimate favourite product! Having my baby right there next to me, was both reassuring and amazingly convenient for night feeds. It meant I didn’t have to get out of bed to get to her, especially great in those first few days and weeks when recovering from birth! We formula fed (will write about feeding in another post), so hubby used to get up and get the bottle, while I held her close and reassured her that food was coming! There are a few different colour options for the next2me, we had a grey one. I absolutely adored it, and rate it a definite 10/10!

The Sleepyhead Deluxe

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We had the first version of this, just known as the Deluxe. We didn’t have it from the beginning, but purchased it shortly after our daughter was born, as so many people recommended it to us. Our daughter absolutely loved it and slept so well in it. It made her feel safe and snug, and really helped us all get some extra rest! Being portable, it was great as we could move it from room to room, so she was always with us. To know she was safe and comfortable was great too. Another 10/10 rating for this one!

Ewan the dream sheep

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Last but not least, our pal Ewan! It’s a multi-award winning sleep-aid and was really effective in helping us settle our daughter. It has a soothing pink glow in its chest, and 4 different sounds (each foot plays a different one). There are womb sounds, rain, vacuum cleaner and a harp music lullaby too. All of the different sounds have a heartbeat sound mixed in with them as well. Sounds and light play for 20 minutes, and the comforting sound is great for newborns, as it mimics the environment of the womb. Our daughter loved her Ewan, and still has him now at the age of 2!

I hope that you found this post useful, and I’m sure there’ll be plenty more like it coming soon too!

Right, I’m going to go collapse into bed and keep everything crossed for a good full nights sleep! Thanks for reading, and I’ll be back soon πŸ™‚

^T.U.M^