Look who’s back πŸ˜Ž

Look who’s back πŸ˜Ž

Hey hey hey!!

I’m so very sorry for being so absent of late. Looking at my posts, the last time I blogged was back in May!! That’s terrible, and I feel really sorry for neglecting you all! So, I’m making it my mission, to write every Friday! And more in between if I can. I really want to make this blog a success, and if I don’t write, that’s not going to happen!

So, a brief catch up is in order!

My baby, is now 3!! How did that even happen?! Time sure does fly, way too fast! When I was pregnant, people kept telling me it would be like that, but I always laughed it off. Now I’m living it, I see just how right they all were! It’s been such a wild ride these past 3 years. I think I’ve been through every emotion possible a million times, and most likely aged and my hair has greyed a fair bit too! But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I absolutely love being a mum, and despite it being the hardest thing I’ve ever done, parenting, to me, is truly a blessing. After such a long journey trying to conceive, I’d just about given up hope of ever being a mum. So to be 3 years into mum life, I count my blessings daily.

It does have its moment of everything being so overwhelming though, and times when I really doubt myself and my parenting abilities. I only have to look at my daughter though, to see how happy and content she is, and she’s so learning and growing so well, I know I’m doing okay. My husband and I are a good team, and get through the rough with the smooth, and I’m proud of us. Yes we’re winging it every day πŸ˜‚ but we’re doing alright!

So tell me lovely followers, what would you like to see on this blog? I have a few ideas, such as product reviews (I have a couple in mind to write up in the next week or so) and also parenting hacks and life organising kinda stuff. Mental health will be a strong influence in the background, and I’ll focus on it at times when it’s relevant. I feel it’s important to keep talking about it, and continue to break down those walls of stigma surrounding it, and help people feel less alone, and that it’s genuinely okay to not be okay sometimes.

Pop me a comment and let me know your thoughts. This blog is just as much for my followers, if not more so, as it is for me. What started out all those years ago, as a form of therapy for me during a really tough time in my life, has grown and blossomed into something entirely different and something I’m genuinely proud of. It’s an open and honest blog, and always will be. I don’t see the point of hiding the truth, when times are hard, I’ll say so. Likewise when they’re great, I’ll say that too! For every hard time, is a better time just around the corner. You can’t have sunshine and rainbows all the time, but it can’t rain all the time either. Life is for living, and totally what you make it. So give it your best shot, you deserve it, you’re worth it and it’s only you who can make it happen!

Thanks to all who have stuck around despite the long silences, I am determined to do better!!

Have a great weekend all, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Mumma7716 x

Holding on, just.

Holding on, just.

Hi all,

Thought I’d check in whilst I had 5 minutes to sit and write; things are, in a word, tough.

I’m tired; so very tired. J has been all over the place with her sleep lately, and it’s having such a huge impact on me now. I literally feel like I’m broken. There’s not a part of my body that doesn’t ache; my joints feel stiff and swollen; I’m snappy, irritable, and just generally such a crappy person lately. I hate it. I hate how I am, the crushing lows that I feel, and the fact that I don’t know what to do about it. Yes, I could go to my GP, but there’s very little that she can really do. Tweak my medication maybe? But that’s about it. I’m sick of relying on medication as it is, the last thing I want to be doing is increasing any of them. Especially as there may be more added to the mix once I’ve seen the Rheumatology consultant next month. I feel like a walking pharmacy. Even my hubby commented on the amount of pills I take in a day. It’s ridiculous. But necessary, in order for me to “function”. Even though I don’t feel like I’m functioning at all recently. More like just existing. Plodding on, as I have to, and that’s about it. It’s pretty shit in all honesty.

Today was a proud day though, as we’ve officially started potty training. We’ve totally let J take control, and let us know when she was ready. Today was that day. She actually used the potty, rather than just sitting on it. I think it took her by surprise, as much as it did us too. But I’m so so proud of her. She’s growing up way too fast though, and that’s kinda scary. Every “first” is the last. If that makes sense. I’m not going to be experiencing any of these moments again, so it feels a little bittersweet to be honest. In a way, I’ve tried to put off such things like potty training, to try and keep her as my baby for as long as possible. I realise though, that that’s not fair on her. She’s allowed to grow up, learn new things, take big steps like using the potty today, and she’s allowed to carve her own path in life. I will never hold her back. She’s her own person, and her personality and character are really shining through, and she’s genuinely such a lovely kid to be around. Of course she has her moments, where I’m tearing my hair out in frustration, but she’s just a typical toddler in that respect. They test patience and boundaries, that’s how they learn at the end of the day. If they don’t do things wrong, then they don’t learn the difference between that and doing things right. It’s our job as parents, to ensure their safety, and guide them along the path of growing up, but not to limit them to the extent that they feel suffocated or like they’re wrapped up in cotton wool. Grazed knees, bumps and bruises, are part and parcel of growing up. They’re not something we can prevent, and to be honest, we shouldn’t try. Of course, keeping them out of danger and harms way, is vital. But the rest, we just need to let go and allow them to experience things.

Since becoming a mum, it’s been quite hard for me in many ways. Being a first time mum, over 30, and having mental health problems, I found myself facing a lot of criticism and judgement. I never felt like I was doing a good enough job, and that my way of parenting was wrong. Post Natal Depression kicked my arse. I’m not ashamed to admit that. I literally fell apart. Sleep deprivation is an absolute nightmare, and the demands of a newborn are super intense. There was many times, that I felt like I couldn’t do it, and that I wasn’t good enough. But I battled through it, as my daughter needed me, and I wasn’t about to give up on myself, nor her. Tough times are inevitable, but they do pass. Tough people, get through them. They fight tooth and nail, to get to the other side. To climb out of the low moments, and embrace the good things. No matter how hard it may be, I won’t give up. Every battle I face, I know that I can win. It may not be an immediate victory, and it most likely won’t be easy. But I have the biggest reason to always keep trying. My daughter – my world, my rainbow, my sunshine, my forever love. There will never be a battle that I can’t face up to and win, with my daughter by my side, she gives me the strength and determination.

Of course, I should also say that I fight these battles for my husband too. The love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend. We’ve been having a bit of a rough time recently too, most likely down to the fact we’re both so utterly exhausted, being the parents of a toddler, who resembles more of an energiser bunny most days! For every fight and fall out we have though, I’m sure it makes us stronger as a result. We both apologise, and move on. Some days are harder than others, and I’ve often cried over things, and felt concerned that I’m pushing him away. It would literally break me into a million pieces to lose him. He’s my rock. He’s supported me through literally the worst times of my life, and I’ll forever be grateful for that. It shows me just what unconditional love truly is. He’s been by my side for over 15 years now, and he’s never given up on me. Even when I’ve been a total bitch to him, and been an utter nightmare to live with. He’s defended me, protected me, and blessed me with the gift of our daughter. Simply the greatest gift of all, and seeing him being such a great father too, just makes me love him all the more.

I don’t know if any of this post has really made any sense, but it’s helped me process a few things in my head, and realise just how damn lucky I truly am. We may not have it all, but having each other is enough. I wouldn’t be here now, if it wasn’t for my husband. He came into my life at the exact point when I needed a knight in shining armour to save me. I honestly feel like the luckiest woman on the planet, I may not be rich in terms of money, but I’m most certainly rich in terms of how much I’m loved, needed and wanted. And that to me, is worth more than any amount of money.

I love my little family, and no matter what life throws at us, we’ll face it all together.

Good night all x

^T.U.M^

2019….so far.

2019….so far.

Hey, well, it’s 2 days into the new year, and so far it’s been pretty rubbish. Illness, tiredness, stress, frustration, and general moments when I just feel so overwhelmed by everything, that I just want to hide and cry myself to sleep. Like I literally can’t take anymore at that point. The fight or flight mode kicks in, and I don’t have the energy to fight, so just want to take flight. My moods have been all over the place; up and down, far more than usual. Stress is the biggest factor I think, along with the stinking cold I’ve got, dealing with a toddler with a cold too, and a husband that’s suffering also. I just feel so damn exhausted and broken. I need a fast influx of cash, to sort out all the crappy financial issues, and then start again. But unless I win the lottery, that’s not going to happen. My credit score is utter pants, so no one will give me a loan, and quite frankly, I wouldn’t be able to pay off the loan anyway probably! Aaaaarrrrggghhh!!

I actually don’t know where I’m going with this post tonight, I just had the urge to write. Get all the crap out of my head I guess. Ugh, so tired. Think I’ll stop for tonight, I’ll write again soon.

^T.U.M^

 

1 more day….

1 more day….

….of 2018.

What a year it has been. So many ups and downs; some great times, and some not so great times. But, I survived it all. Like I always do. I’m not knocked down for long, and the comeback is even greater than the fall.

I won’t go into a long overview of the events of this year, as quite frankly, some I’d rather forget and leave in 2018 to be honest. Certain people will also remain in 2018. I don’t regret finding my birth father, but at the same time, I guess it will always hurt how easily he just turned his back on me. After all the promises he made to make up for all the lost years etc, and how he wasn’t going to disappear again…. and then, gone! I find it quite frustrating too, how he wasn’t even prepared to see things from my point of view, or let me explain what I was trying to say. He just blew up in my face and blocked all contact with me. He’s since come off Facebook as well, not sure why. He always said he’d been tempted to many times. It’s probably a good thing. I keep my profile seriously locked down though, so that he can’t get people to check up on me and see what I’m up to. I’d rather he didn’t know. If I’m not worthy of being in his life, then I sure as hell don’t deem him worthy of knowing anything about mine. It makes me sad though, as J really liked her Grandad, even though she only saw him 3 times. Part of me hopes that because she’s so little, she won’t really remember him. I can pretty much say for certain, that he won’t bother to remember her, or me probably. So, that’s all I’m going to say on that subject. It still cuts pretty deep and feels quite raw still, even though it was back in August. Oh well, at least I can hold my head up and say that I tried. It’s not my fault that it didn’t work out, some people just aren’t meant to be in your life, and I guess that’s it really. Life is far too short to hold grudges, resentment, bitterness or hate. It festers away inside of you, and doesn’t do you any good. It’s better just to accept it, let it go and move on.

Ugh, I lingered on that subject far more than I’d intended to. So, moving on!

For the most part, 2018 has been okay. People come and go, and that’s just life. Those who truly care, remain. Going forward into 2019, I’m going to focus on those that deserve to be in my life. Time is precious and I’m going to make the most of every minute. I’m also hoping that with a new year, brings me the answers I’m seeking about my physical health. Currently, doctors/consultants are suspecting the Endometriosis, and now also Fibromyalgia. So would be nice to know for certain, so that I can then deal with it all correctly. The constant unknown is so frustrating and worrying too. My brain often goes into overdrive, overthinking it all, and making up scenarios in my head of what it could be, and obviously always the worst case too! It’s driving to the brink of despair. There’s also the looming possibility of having wisdom teeth removed…. which is legitimately terrifying me. I am sick of the brutal pain though, so it would be the best outcome in the long run to have them out!

Anyway, I’ve got to the end of my concentration and train of thought now, so will call it a night. I’m going to try and set myself the goal of posting a blog at the very least, once a week. Most likely, on a Sunday. That was, I can round up the week, and look to the coming week as well. Obviously it doesn’t limit me to just the one post a week, but it’s a good goal to set I think! Anything more than the 1 is just a bonus achievement!!

Right, good night all, and will see you next year…. sort of!

^T.U.M^