May-October 2020

May-October 2020

Heeeeeeey!

I don’t know if anyone even reads this blog anymore, as I’ve been the worst blogger and not written since April!! Sincerest apologies to anyone still here, and I hope you’ll stick with me!

So, 2020 so far has been one heck of a ride, right?! Lockdown, covid, masks, curfews, job losses, business closures, financial strain…. Its been quite frankly a shit storm of epic proportions. How we’ve made it to October without completely losing the plot, is beyond me! Anyway, a bit of a catch up is in order…. 👍

So, eventually, in June, preschool was allowed to reopen, albeit in a limited capacity, with lots of new rules and regulations. But, J went back for 2 hour sessions a day, and it was good for all of us. Literally a lifeline and sanity saver for me especially! We were so grateful! July came around way too quickly though, and the closer to the end of term we got, the more sad I felt. J had flourished so much by going to preschool. The thought of her not going any more was hard. She turned 4 on the 7th, which felt very surreal! When the end of term came, it was such a weird time, picking her up on her last day felt so cold and foreign. They weren’t able to have any of the normal end of term and end of preschool things, like their end of term show, summer fair, or even goodbye hugs with their teachers. It was clear on the teachers faces that it broke their hearts to only be able to wave goodbye as they left for the last time. They are all such a wonderful, caring staff, and we miss them still, even now. I keep in touch with a few of them, as they loved our J and the time they had her in their setting.

Fast forward to September, and my baby started the next chapter in her life: starting in reception class at primary school! I was super anxious about it, as over the summer holidays, I just kept looking at her and thinking that she wasn’t ready for the change. She’d missed so much of her preschool journey, that I began to be torn about my decision to let her go on to primary school this year. There was many times I felt like trying to reverse the process and send her back to preschool. Being a summer born child, going to primary school at 4 years old felt like such a massive step, one that I just didn’t know if J or even us, would cope with. I needn’t have worried though. We’re 3 weeks in to the term and she’s taken to it like a duck to water!! She settled in very quickly, making us super proud. They had 2 afternoon sessions to get them acclimatised to the setting, familiar with teachers etc, then the week following that, they started full time, 8.50am to 2.40pm. That first day I was so nervous for her, I’m not sure why, taking her in at the beginning of the day, knowing I wouldn’t see her until 2.40pm, felt very strange. Not like when we dropped her off at preschool, it was on a whole new level of strange. She walked in, as confident as ever, not even a look back over her shoulder to me. And that was that, I walked out of school, my heart in my throat and eyes welling up, from the realisation that my baby wasn’t a baby anymore. All day I wondered what she was up to, if she was okay, if she was making friends, happy…. Etc etc. I felt like I’d lost an arm! My sidekick wasn’t there and it was kinda scary.

At 2.30pm we headed off to pick her up. Stood in the playground waiting for them to come out I felt so so proud of her. As I saw them all coming out, all lined up nicely, I spotted my sweet girl. Smiling like the cat that got the cream. I knew then, it was going to be just fine. She was very tired, but very happy. Which made us happy, and the pride literally filled my heart to the point of bursting. My big girl. My incredible one and only, my first, my last, my everything. She was bossing it!

She has done 3 full weeks now, and has a best friend already, I shall refer to her as V. They’re so sweet together, and tell everyone that they’re best friends. They defend each other to other children too, and make sure they know where each other is. They jump, skip, dance and run around together, and walk into and out of school every day together. It’s also lovely because I’m making friends too. Which is something I’ve always struggled with. V’s parents are lovely and we’ve become good friends too. We always have a giggle at drop off and pick up, which makes it all a lot less daunting for me, as my social anxiety is tamed a little because I know people. I know a couple of other mums of reception kids too, which is lovely too.

I think sometimes, we don’t give our kids enough credit. Us parents are often more anxious and worried about these things than the kids. J has taken it all in her stride, and you wouldn’t think she’d only been going to school for 3 weeks. It’s like she’s been there 3 months or even years. She knows the routine, she wakes up wanting to go and bounces out of school each day so happy. I think it’s also helped that she’s made a friend so quickly too, and I’m so glad she has. She’s always been quite sociable, which increased when she started preschool. She settled there really quickly too, although friendships didn’t develop until much further on.

I don’t think my head has really caught up with reality yet though. I look at her and see my 7lb 7oz little bundle and wonder where the time has gone! The past 4 years has gone way too fast. We’ve been through so much, both good and bad. We’ve lived in 3 different homes, the 3rd one where we are now, is most definitely our forever home. We got so so lucky. It was a property I put a bid on back in February of this year. At the end of that bidding cycle it said it had been offered to someone. Plus then covid and lockdown happened, so the council stopped letting homes. I thought we’d missed out and didn’t think anymore of it. Then in July, I get an email, with an offer of a property. The one I bid on it February! It had become available again and I’d been shortlisted to view it. I genuinely didn’t believe it. It felt like someone was winding me up, as I never get that kind of luck! But it was legit. We viewed it and accepted on the spot. 21st of July we took the keys to our new home and begun the moving process once again! My hubby and his parents spend a week or so decorating throughout, then on 1st of August we officially moved in and have been here 2 months now. We’re slowly but surely making it ours, and we love it so much. Its perfect in so many ways. It’s at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac, semi detached bungalow, with currently no one living in the one attached to us. We have a fairly large garden, which is great for J as she loves being outside. Plus, the fact it’s a bungalow is great for me not having to cope with stairs every day. We’ve also got a wet room as well, so personal care is so much easier for me and makes me feel more like myself and regained some of my independence.

Life has given us its fair share of crap over the years, but I feel like it’s finally given us a break. Whilst obviously with covid still running rampant, it’s still a crazy world to be in, but when we get home and close the door, we feel truly happy and content. It’s our forever home and it’s awesome.

On Monday (5th)my hubby and I will have been together for 17 years!! How he’s put up with me for so long, I’ll never comprehend. But he has and I salute him for it, as well as love him more than words. He’s given me our beautiful daughter, taken care of us both, practically and financially, and been my rock since day 1. I wouldn’t be the person I am now if it wasn’t for him, or to be honest, I wouldn’t even be here at all.

This has taken a fair while to type, and my hands are cramping something chronic, the cold weather is not good for my rheumatoid arthritis! So, I shall leave it there. Pop me a comment if you’re still following my blog, and if there’s still a few of you I’ll try my hardest to post more often. Now that life has settled down to more manageable levels, I’m hoping to reignite the passion I once had for blogging and not be so boring and mundane with my posts! Hope you’re all (if there is any of you!) are all okay, staying well and keeping safe!

Take care and until next time x

Look who’s back 😎

Look who’s back 😎

Hey hey hey!!

I’m so very sorry for being so absent of late. Looking at my posts, the last time I blogged was back in May!! That’s terrible, and I feel really sorry for neglecting you all! So, I’m making it my mission, to write every Friday! And more in between if I can. I really want to make this blog a success, and if I don’t write, that’s not going to happen!

So, a brief catch up is in order!

My baby, is now 3!! How did that even happen?! Time sure does fly, way too fast! When I was pregnant, people kept telling me it would be like that, but I always laughed it off. Now I’m living it, I see just how right they all were! It’s been such a wild ride these past 3 years. I think I’ve been through every emotion possible a million times, and most likely aged and my hair has greyed a fair bit too! But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I absolutely love being a mum, and despite it being the hardest thing I’ve ever done, parenting, to me, is truly a blessing. After such a long journey trying to conceive, I’d just about given up hope of ever being a mum. So to be 3 years into mum life, I count my blessings daily.

It does have its moment of everything being so overwhelming though, and times when I really doubt myself and my parenting abilities. I only have to look at my daughter though, to see how happy and content she is, and she’s so learning and growing so well, I know I’m doing okay. My husband and I are a good team, and get through the rough with the smooth, and I’m proud of us. Yes we’re winging it every day 😂 but we’re doing alright!

So tell me lovely followers, what would you like to see on this blog? I have a few ideas, such as product reviews (I have a couple in mind to write up in the next week or so) and also parenting hacks and life organising kinda stuff. Mental health will be a strong influence in the background, and I’ll focus on it at times when it’s relevant. I feel it’s important to keep talking about it, and continue to break down those walls of stigma surrounding it, and help people feel less alone, and that it’s genuinely okay to not be okay sometimes.

Pop me a comment and let me know your thoughts. This blog is just as much for my followers, if not more so, as it is for me. What started out all those years ago, as a form of therapy for me during a really tough time in my life, has grown and blossomed into something entirely different and something I’m genuinely proud of. It’s an open and honest blog, and always will be. I don’t see the point of hiding the truth, when times are hard, I’ll say so. Likewise when they’re great, I’ll say that too! For every hard time, is a better time just around the corner. You can’t have sunshine and rainbows all the time, but it can’t rain all the time either. Life is for living, and totally what you make it. So give it your best shot, you deserve it, you’re worth it and it’s only you who can make it happen!

Thanks to all who have stuck around despite the long silences, I am determined to do better!!

Have a great weekend all, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Mumma7716 x

Shenanigans & Contemplation

Shenanigans & Contemplation

Hey everyone,

I’ve got to apologise once again, for being missing in action for so long!! Everytime I’ve thought “I’ll get a blog post up tonight”, something has cropped up, or I’ve fallen asleep, or other such things have occurred. Its frustrating, but that’s life I suppose!!

So, a bit of a catch up is once again due!

I should really read my last post before posting new ones, but I never do 🤦‍♀️ so I also apologise if I repeat myself!

If I remember rightly, the last post was shortly after I was really unwell and taken to hospital by ambulance. It took a fair while to recover from that, which was pretty frustrating. But thankfully, I’m pretty much back to normal; well normal for me anyway!

I’ve since seen the neurology consultant, who said he feels that it was a one off, and not as a result of anything sinister going on in my brain, or epilepsy. Which is a relief. He did send me for a CT brain scan, which I had yesterday, just to make sure all is good in there. He said he would write to me with the results, and what, if any, further action needs to happen. If the scan is fine, then I’ve no need to go back to see him. I also had my full body bone scan yesterday. It was a seriously long day at the hospital. I arrived at around 10.30am, and didn’t leave until about 6pm. Getting home at just before 7pm! The bone scan was what took the longest, as it involved having an injection at 12pm (although my appointment time was 11.15!) And then waiting until 3.30pm for the scan. To allow the radioactive stuff to get into my bones. So boring on my own! Had lunch at Costa, and then wandered about for what felt like forever. Sat in the outpatients garden for a bit too, and read a book. Finally got to 3pm and I headed back up to the nuclear medicine department for the scan. The scan took about 30 minutes, which wasn’t so bad. I left that department around 4pm. Then had to pass the time once again, until 5.45pm for the CT scan! Which thankfully, I was seen 5 minutes early and was out and on the bus by 6pm! Longest. Day. Ever. I was utterly exhausted by the time I got home, and still feel pretty drained today! But glad they’re both done! Now the waiting for the results…. ugh.

Can’t recall if I mentioned having the Mirena Coil put in, in my last post. But I finally gave in and went through with it. Seriously painful procedure (for me anyway, some women don’t feel a thing!). Made me feel quite unwell for a day or 2, and very bad cramps on and off too. But once it had settled, it’s not been too bad. Hopefully it’ll be a positive thing and make life with Endometriosis a bit easier! Am back to see the gynae consultant in May, so we shall see what’s going to happen next, if anything.

2nd of April, I’m having an MRIS on my joints. Not much looking forward to that. The MRI machine is so loud and claustrophobic, so I struggle with that. But hopefully it’ll be okay. That’s the 2nd test that the rheumatology consultant requested. First being the bone scan. Not seeing him until August though, unless the results require me to go sooner. Yet again, another waiting game!

I’ve got an appointment with my GP tomorrow to check in and update her on what’s been going on. Then next week, I’ve got dentist for a filling to be drilled out and redone. I just need a break from treatments, tests, scans, doctors, hospitals….everything! I’m so tired and done with it all now. Feel like I’m falling apart piece by piece! At the age of 34…. oh the joys!

Anyways, I’m gonna go chill out now for a bit before heading off to bed. I’ll be back fairly soon, as I’m guest writing for education.com again! Was asked a few weeks back if I’d like to write for them again, and of course said yes! But with one thing and another, I’m yet to actually do the post! 🤦‍♀️ it’s on my to-do list for this weekend! Hopefully!!

Thanks for reading, hope you’re all having a good week!! X

1 more day….

1 more day….

….of 2018.

What a year it has been. So many ups and downs; some great times, and some not so great times. But, I survived it all. Like I always do. I’m not knocked down for long, and the comeback is even greater than the fall.

I won’t go into a long overview of the events of this year, as quite frankly, some I’d rather forget and leave in 2018 to be honest. Certain people will also remain in 2018. I don’t regret finding my birth father, but at the same time, I guess it will always hurt how easily he just turned his back on me. After all the promises he made to make up for all the lost years etc, and how he wasn’t going to disappear again…. and then, gone! I find it quite frustrating too, how he wasn’t even prepared to see things from my point of view, or let me explain what I was trying to say. He just blew up in my face and blocked all contact with me. He’s since come off Facebook as well, not sure why. He always said he’d been tempted to many times. It’s probably a good thing. I keep my profile seriously locked down though, so that he can’t get people to check up on me and see what I’m up to. I’d rather he didn’t know. If I’m not worthy of being in his life, then I sure as hell don’t deem him worthy of knowing anything about mine. It makes me sad though, as J really liked her Grandad, even though she only saw him 3 times. Part of me hopes that because she’s so little, she won’t really remember him. I can pretty much say for certain, that he won’t bother to remember her, or me probably. So, that’s all I’m going to say on that subject. It still cuts pretty deep and feels quite raw still, even though it was back in August. Oh well, at least I can hold my head up and say that I tried. It’s not my fault that it didn’t work out, some people just aren’t meant to be in your life, and I guess that’s it really. Life is far too short to hold grudges, resentment, bitterness or hate. It festers away inside of you, and doesn’t do you any good. It’s better just to accept it, let it go and move on.

Ugh, I lingered on that subject far more than I’d intended to. So, moving on!

For the most part, 2018 has been okay. People come and go, and that’s just life. Those who truly care, remain. Going forward into 2019, I’m going to focus on those that deserve to be in my life. Time is precious and I’m going to make the most of every minute. I’m also hoping that with a new year, brings me the answers I’m seeking about my physical health. Currently, doctors/consultants are suspecting the Endometriosis, and now also Fibromyalgia. So would be nice to know for certain, so that I can then deal with it all correctly. The constant unknown is so frustrating and worrying too. My brain often goes into overdrive, overthinking it all, and making up scenarios in my head of what it could be, and obviously always the worst case too! It’s driving to the brink of despair. There’s also the looming possibility of having wisdom teeth removed…. which is legitimately terrifying me. I am sick of the brutal pain though, so it would be the best outcome in the long run to have them out!

Anyway, I’ve got to the end of my concentration and train of thought now, so will call it a night. I’m going to try and set myself the goal of posting a blog at the very least, once a week. Most likely, on a Sunday. That was, I can round up the week, and look to the coming week as well. Obviously it doesn’t limit me to just the one post a week, but it’s a good goal to set I think! Anything more than the 1 is just a bonus achievement!!

Right, good night all, and will see you next year…. sort of!

^T.U.M^